When jokes

Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?

It's when the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.

My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.

I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"

I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.

A lot of things changed when I got my girlfriend pregnant: my name, my address, and my phone number.

What’s the difference between a normal kid and an Emo?

When you feel an Emo's arm, there’s lots of texture! Feels great, too!

I ask the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.

How it be when the new guy takes too long...

Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.

Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.

Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.

Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.

Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.

You're so ugly that when you walk past the toilet, it flushes itself.

When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.

Why do orphans love Oreos?

Because when they have a family pack, they can eat it all!

I was on the Official Cristiano Ronaldo website when suddenly my Anti-Virus software showed an alert on my screen! The notification read "WARNING: FRAUD DETECTED!" I was shocked but not surprised.

Penaldo has been finished for years after all, and he often ghosts in big games.

When we told Twin Towers to put on airplane mode, we didn't mean a real airplane.

Why was Stephen Hawking never trusted when taking a quiz?

"No computers allowed on the test!"

What do you call it when a prostitute pays someone 5 bucks to fuck them?

5 dollar footlongs.

When someone says: "You're a mistake."

Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."

You know they're lying when they say, "My mom's picking me up."

What is Labor Day? That’s when mommies have their babes.

I bet when 2 cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one says, "You're such a cheetah!" Then they laugh and go and eat a zebra or whatever.

Why are orphans sad when playing Roblox?

There isn't any parents on Roblox.

What do Emos say when they trick-or-treat?

"Boo-hoo!"