When jokes

When is a door not a door?

When it is ajar.

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop onions.

What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?

"That is bull crap!"

Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?

Because his dog had a sore throat!

People's music when friends are around: *rock*

When they are gone: "Come on, vamanos, everybody let's go!"

They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.

Well, they're not laughing now!

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."

Yo mama so short, when she tried sniffing cocaine, she couldn’t get high.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Bill Cosby.

Bill Cosby who?

Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.

What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?

One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.

Yo mama's so fat, when she went to the beach in a blue dress, everyone screamed "tsunami!"

Why download Fruit Ninja when you have your arm?

"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."

What did the wizard say when he was filling up the gas tank? "Expensive Petroleum!"

What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?

A doppelgangbang.

What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?

Orthopediphilia.

What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with an orangutan?

Monkeypox.

Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...

What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?

"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"