When jokes
My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."
So I said, "Okay."
When I feel ugly, I just look at my brother and get over it.
What time is it when you say "what?"
Time to start over!
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
What did the math acorn say when it grew up?
"Gee-I'm-a-tree."
When Helen Keller drives a car, people call her Asian.
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."
It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner, and then you realize you are the mom.
You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
When there are more suicidal people, it means there are fewer suicidal people. That means there is an infinite generator of them.
Why is it okay for a woman to use me when she feels like it, but when I use her body when I feel like it, I am the bad guy?
When Chuck Norris breaks a mirror, the mirror gets 7 years of bad luck.
What did the hijackers say when they crashed into the Twin Towers?
"Jenga!"
Yo mama so fat that when she landed on the moon, instead of saying "One small step for man kind," she said, "One small step for world domination!"
What's the opposite of an exorcism?
When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...
I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"
I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.
Your mama is so fat, when I think of her in my head, she just broke my neck.
Someone went to fly and thought of pizza.
Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"