When jokes
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About half way.
We are going to a country called Bangkok. When we are there, we will Bangkok.
When a stranger keeps telling kids to kill themselves AKA the Stigg.
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.
Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.
What's red, 6 inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
When you end up pregnant...
Mom told me if a boy touched my breast I should say "DON'T," and if he touched me down there I should say "STOP." But Dad, he touched me both places at once so I said, "DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!" 😂
What do they call me when I jack off?
Pulled pork.
What did Stephen Hawking's computer say when he died?
"ERROR"
When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.
What's the opposite of an exorcism?
When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...
Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?
Donald Trump can only F@#k up.
What did the cell say when it was dividing?
"It's not you, it's me."
Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"
- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"
- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.
- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.
- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.
What happens when a clock is hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
When you breathe.
Roses are red, balls are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in.
I asked the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.