When jokes

It must have been a sad day when you slithered out of the abortion bucket.

Me: Why do you need to use shampoo when you are already bald? 🤣

What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................

What did the Twin Towers get when they ordered an extra large pepperoni pizza?

When the pizza man got there, all they got was plane.

People always ask what the secret of our family's happiness is. It is simple really.

1. Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week.

2. We all give each other a hand when needed.

Last but not least, we play Twister.

A turtle was walking down the street when all of a sudden a snail came up to him and robbed him.

When the policemen showed up and asked him what happened, he responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"

VOTING SEMIFINAL 1

LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.

DISLIKE: When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”.

Vote for the better joke.

When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a disco party. 🕺🕺🕺

When your mom says, "Go to bed," but you reply with, "But Mom, I need help because it is inside, but we are outside."

What did the sweet potato say to the potato when he was told to hurry?

I yam.

My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...

Where do sex addicts go when they need to talk? Hoe-and-Tell.

What do kids play when they can't play with a phone?

Bored games.

What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?

Kentucky Fried Children!

What's it called when you eat those same babies?

Finger Lickin' Good!

You are American when you walk to the bathroom. What are you when you are in there?

You're-a-peein'. European.

What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?

Nothing, he just started wanking.

I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"

Your mum so fat that when she sat down she said, "Why are there so many people under me?"

I was confused when they asked me, "Do you know how to fly a plane?" Then, when I said, "No," they said, "Perfect!"

There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.

The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"

The teacher said, "What about the kids?"

The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."

The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"