When jokes

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it goes to get the milk yet never comes back.

Miss you dad.

You know I want an ADHD cure.

When?

Squirrel!

What did the sea do when it saw the beach?

It waved!

What do you do when a baby starts to cry?

You use more lube.

Csgo is just practice for when you want to one tap some 3rd graders

So, three daughters were sitting in the same room as their mother. The first daughter asked why she was named Daisy. So, the mother replies, "Because when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy landed on your forehead." The second daughter asked why she was named Rose. So, the mother explained, "Same as Daisy, when we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your forehead." The third daughter then said "ksvrjxbdkavdowbxksb," so the mother said, "Shut up, Brick!"

Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."

Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."

Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."

My last thought: Am I a murderer?

Why can't Sally swing?

Because she has no arms.

Knock knock, "Who's there?", not Sally.

Where did Sally go when the bombs dropped?

Everywhere.

When Stephen Hawking was asked why he was instantly attracted to his new girlfriend, he said, "It's simple, she pushes all the right buttons."

Joe mama so fat when she went to the movies, she sat next to everybody.

Joe mama so fat when she stepped on the scale, it said, "One at a time, please."

Joe mama so fat when she stepped on the scale, it said, "To be continued."

What did the Chinese girl say when she had a white baby?

"Sum Ting Wong."

Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"

I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.

Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?

A: Throw in some laundry.

I hate when my class want to play hangman. Not because they hang a man, but because I get jealous.

A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."

Yo mama is so fat, when she took a walk, she made an earthquake!

When there’s an earthquake, coffins become underground maracas.

Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."

Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.

Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."

What do you get when you cross Donald Trump with Fregley?

Orange juice.