When jokes
What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.
When you have a hand clock it goes tic-tac.
When an American has it go backwards, it's tactic.
You're so brilliant and bright that the Sun wears sunglasses when you're near!
The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.
I replied, "No. Is that still required?"
Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?
When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”
When your crush walks in class, but you're homeschooled...
Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed?
A: "Hit me baby one more time."
I was walking down the hallway at my job when I saw a kid crying.
I asked him where his parents were, and he kept crying.
Man, I love working at the orphanage.
Today when I looked in the mirror, I stopped and simply said: "It's ok, what's inside matters the most, right?"
what do baby’s and grenades have in common?
They both are silent but then when thrown at someone make a loud noise
What do you get when you cross a dick and a potato?
A dictator.
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"
Why was the orphan so successful?
When the options were either go big or go home, he only had one option :(
How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?
Yo momma is so fat, when she tried to hang herself, the noose broke.
When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
Yo mama so fat when she went to the movie theater, she sits next to everyone.
Ur mum is so fat that when she lived in a flat on the highest floor, she fell through the inner floor.
Ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar, they said, "Sorry, we don't sell food here."
Yo mama so fat, survivors of the Titanic said a fat girl on the bow was so heavy, the ship started to sink, but when she reached the stern, the ship split.