When jokes

A mushroom walked into a pub.

He asked the bartender to give him a beer.

The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."

The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"

What is a reverse exorcism?

It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.

People are like trees...

They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"

His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."

The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"

"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."

The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."

The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."

"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."

What is it called when a bull lies about other bulls?

Bullying.

When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.

Hey guys, Billy has this weird disability where when he has sex with someone, he says their name really loud.

Billy: Hey guys, I just got back from my DADS!!

Wait, what Billy?

A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.

The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."

Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."

So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"

The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"

The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"

Yo mama so fat that when she walked past the TV, you missed 3 episodes of your favorite show.

What does a foreigner say when he comes to America?

I don't know, I don't speak foreignish...

Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.

What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde girl?

One stops sucking when you smack it.

What do you call it when an Arab girl has an abortion?

Removing a bomb.

When does a pentagon not have 5 sides?

When it’s intersected by a plane.

How do men like their women? Striped.

How does a priest like their children? Clean.

Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.

What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.

When you're exercising and you feel the “gush.”

I will stop making fun of orphans when their parents come back.

My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type...

His last words to us were, “Be positive!”

What did God say when he made Jake Paul?

"Oops, I made a mistake."

What did Thanos say when he snapped his finger? Another one bites the dust.