When jokes
When a boy points at his parents, they disappear.
Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?
You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-
(Destroys phone cutely)
Yo mama so fat that when she landed on the moon, instead of saying "One small step for man kind," she said, "One small step for world domination!"
Why do orphans do so well in life?
When people told them "Go big or go home," they only had one option.
Why do orphans always go to white vans when someone asks?
Because they want to feel wanted.
I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.
I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay person...
It don't moan when u put milk inside.
What’s it called when you give an emo some rope as a present?
Murder.
Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"
So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
Q: What's the difference between a suicide vest and a feminist?
A: At least one does something when it is triggered.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
Yo mama's so dumb, she waited until the stop sign turned blue.
Yo mama's so fat, when she got pregnant, she fell to the earth's core.
Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.
Q: What did the porn actress say when she opened the door?
A: Make sure to come upstairs!
Man, I don’t need Viagra when I see Mara!
Why did the dwarf laugh when he walked on the field?
The grass was tickling his balls.
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
Yo mama so ugly, when she tried to enter an ugly contest, they said they didn't allow professionals.