When jokes

Mom

  • "There is no way you can fit in there."

    "Says who?"

    "Your mom."

    "When?"

    "Last night."

    "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

    Shooter

  • When the school shooter says to get on the ground, but the sped kid thinks it's Simon Says!

  • 1
  • Mama

  • Yo mama so fat that when she went into a crowd wearing a blue shirt, everyone yelled, "Tsunami!"

  • 1
  • 9/11

  • What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?

    Smash.

    (Get it?) 9/11.

  • 1
  • Girlfriend

  • Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

    Get the whip, you're out!

  • 1
  • Neighbor

  • One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."

  • 1
  • Pig

  • What’s the difference between a pig and Maddie McCann?

    Least a pig had an apple in its mouth when it was spit roasted.

  • 1
  • Crush

  • My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.

    Yo mama

  • Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"