When jokes

Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?

A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.

What does Michael Jackson say when he grabs his crotch? I never noticed that before.

What does Michael Jackson say when he gets hard? Ow!

When did Michael say, "This is it"?

2009.

What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?

A seatbelt.

When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?

When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

What do you call it when the Edmonton Oilers play against the Nashville Predators? A Diddy Bowl.

When slave owners can't get a girlfriend, do they MASTERbate?

When a redhead commits a mass shooting, does the headline read, "Ginger snaps"?

When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.

What’s a reverse exorcism?

It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.

The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"

The teacher said, "What about the kids?"

The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."

The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"

When a deaf girl master baits, does she use the other hand to moan?

How did the person feel when his partner wouldn't perform a golden shower on him? Pissed off.

What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?

Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.

The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.