When jokes
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
What does Michael Jackson say when he grabs his crotch? I never noticed that before.
What does Michael Jackson say when he gets hard? Ow!
When did Michael say, "This is it"?
2009.
Michael saw mommy kissing Santa Claus and asked her why she did that. Mommy said she was a good girl. Michael Joseph Jackson asked, "Can I be a good girl and kiss Santa Claus?" Mommy replied, "When you grow up to be a rich white woman." And now, we know the rest of the story.
What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?
A seatbelt.
When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?
When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
What do you call it when the Edmonton Oilers play against the Nashville Predators? A Diddy Bowl.
When slave owners can't get a girlfriend, do they MASTERbate?
When a redhead commits a mass shooting, does the headline read, "Ginger snaps"?
When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.
What’s a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.
The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"
The teacher said, "What about the kids?"
The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."
The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"
When a deaf girl master baits, does she use the other hand to moan?
How did the person feel when his partner wouldn't perform a golden shower on him? Pissed off.
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'
I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'