When jokes
What did one slave owner say to the other slave owner when he couldn’t find his slave?
Don’t worry, I’ll rope him in.
What do you call it when a gay guy farts?
An abortion.
Ali from Kazakhstan, he got small forehead, all his friends laugh. They say, "Ali, your forehead so tiny, you need magnifying glass to see!" But Ali, he not care, he proud of his unique look. When he wear hat, it look like top of mountain, so funny, everyone laugh with him. Ali know small forehead no problem, it make him special, like rare gem!
Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...
Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.
You have a father figure.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
What should we want?
Racecars.
When should we want them?
NEOWWWWWWWWWWWM!
What do we want?!
A cure for Tourette's!!
When do we want it?!
Cunt!!!
There are 206 bones in the human body.
207 when I'm at a nursery.
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
Has anyone else ever been jealous when their laptop dies?
What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?
Orthopediphilia.
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In our lab, theory and practice are combined: Nothing works and no one knows why.
What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?
And microtransaction.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."