When jokes
What do you get when you cross an eagle with a lion?
A griffin.
What did the fish say when he got to the dam?
"Dam water."
"Dam!"
I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"
A 6-year-old told the class the first time she got AIDS. The teacher listened. She said she scraped her knee. The girl was sent to an asylum. When she got out, she was 20. She had AIDS.
When my girlfriend broke up with me, I took her wheelchair. I always knew she would come crawling back.
The duck bought lipstick. When he paid, he said, "Put it on my bill."
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.
What is the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.
The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...
The cat still died, why?
It had a Catastrophic Catcident.
When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.
Charizarding.
When you light a girl's pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz, then flap your arms and say, "You don't have enough badges to train me!"
Why don't they put petals on wheelchairs so when our arms get tired, we just use our legs?
I got a heart pain then I went to [the] hospital. When the doctor says I am dead, but I run then I jump. I am not dead!
GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?
Me: My sister.
SWEET HOME ALABAMAA
Where do dogs go when their tails fall off?
To the retail store.
What do you get when you light Stephen Hawking on fire? A fried PC.
I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.
When I become a parent, I’m gonna regurgitate my food to feed my children.
It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.
What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?
"Now sashimi, now you don't!"
What do you say when you see a pig making bread?
He's bacon.