When jokes
What's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
Refrigerators don't queef when you pull your meat out.
What do you call it when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.
What do you do when an orphan takes a family photo?
A selfie.
Three scientists are doing an experiment. They are trying to find out what happens when you stick a cork in an elephant's ass.
In the lab, they each look at each other and decide that they should hire a monkey to do it. The monkey sticks the cork up the elephant's ass, and the scientists wait three weeks.
The monkey pulls out the cork, and all three scientists go back and discuss what they saw.
The first one, standing one mile away, says all he could see was a wave of brown, then it all went black. The second, standing two miles away, said the same. The third, who was standing three miles away, said all he could see was the other two get consumed by a massive cloud of brown.
When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.
And into a children's birthday party.
When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,
Then the speed bump starts screaming.
The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.
What did the girl say when she ran through the door?
Ouch.
When deaf people see someone yawning, do they think they're screaming?
What happens when a guy is in a pool with a deck and no one is around? The guy has to pee, get up on the deck, and stick it between the bars and pee.
When you have a bladder infection,
You're in trouble. 😜
What did Santa say when he saw a pretty girl?
HO, HO, HO!
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.
The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"
"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."
I hate it when I accidentally eat out my dog, lol.
What did the dog say when he came home from a long shift at work? Today was ruff.
When the cannibal was late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.
What did kings say when they were made king?
Allah ail (All hail) [insert name here]!
What did Thanos say when he snapped his finger? Another one bites the dust.
What is it called when 21 Savage and 6ix9ine fight: Alien vs. Predator?
When someone says, "Jesus," I say, "Bitch, where?"