When jokes

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."

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    • Son: Hey, Dad, why is my name Dick?

    Dad: Oh, because a dick fell on you when you were born.

    Son: Ohhhhh, so that's why I'm gay.

    I was working at the bank today when an old lady came up to me and asked me to check her balance.

    So I pushed her over.

    Why are cheetahs the best animals?

    The cheetah is the fastest land animal in the world. They can reach a top speed of around 113 km per hour.

    A cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 113 km in just a few seconds.

    Cheetahs are extremely fast; however, they tire quickly and can only keep up their top speed for a few minutes before they are too tired to continue.

    Cheetahs are smaller than other members of the big cat family, weighing only 45 – 60 kilograms.

    One way to always recognize a cheetah is by the long, black lines which run from the inside of each eye to the mouth. These are usually called “tear lines,” and scientists believe they help protect the cheetah’s eyes from the harsh sun and help them to see long distances.

    Cheetahs are the only big cat that cannot roar. They can purr though and usually purr most loudly when they are grooming or sitting near other cheetahs.

    While lions and leopards usually do their hunting at night, cheetahs hunt for food during the day.

    A cheetah has amazing eyesight during the day and can spot prey from 5 km away.

    Cheetahs cannot climb trees and have poor night vision.

    With their light body weight and blunt claws, cheetahs are not well designed to protect themselves or their prey. When a larger or more aggressive animal approaches a cheetah in the wild, it will give up its catch to avoid a fight.

    Cheetahs only need to drink once every three to four days.

    Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."

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    • What do you do when you made a misteak?

    You do some yoga 🧘‍♀️ and say, "Namaaa steak."

    If I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn because they are Beautiful, Majestic, Sparkly, Bright, Gods. They create Joy and Happiness everywhere they go.

    Unicorns made my life better when I got to know them more. ^-^ They filled my life with more Happiness. I believe in the Unicorns, and they'll believe in me. I am not a Unicorn, although I am the Princess of the Unicorn Land, but if I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn! :P

    What Happens When You Get Caught On Fire?

    — You Lost To Slmebody When You Were Playing Hide And Seek, And The Place Where You Got Caught Was Exactly On A Patch Of Fire.

    If Joey Deacon made his own company, it would be called The Joey Deacon Company; Walt Disney should have a run for its money.

    P.S. The Joey Deacon Pictures logo would have some autistic people making noises to "When You Wish Upon A Star", with the castle being the Blue Peter ship instead.