When jokes
What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?
"Can you give me some pointers?"
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
What did the ocean say when it saw the beach?
Nothing, it just waved.
When you go to your friend's house to fuck her brother, but realize he's your brother from your mom's side.
Yo' mama is so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.
The Titanic was in a pickle when they saw the iceberg.
When does it rain money?
When there's a change in the weather.
When your grandma says she's rusty but still manages to teach you.
What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"
When is a piece of wood made king?
When it's a ruler.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Wow, hairy!"
How bad is explosive diarrhea when a Muslim has it? Because my Chipotle blew up yesterday.
What do you get when you have 10 chicken nuggets and little Jimmy tries to take one?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead little Jimmy.
I was remembering the time when I lost my brother, only until I heard that hide and seek wasn't the best idea, especially in a secluded parking lot in downtown.
Here in IHOP, we serve pancakes, not pie cakes. If so, we can always bring in a chart that will power the customer. His smile will remain at its current form, and police surely resisted when I said the word "surely."
Don't you hate it when you do the dishes, but then you realize it wasn't the dishes?
Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?
Rip Van Tinkle.
What did the skeleton play when he joined the band?
A tromBONE.
When you go to Incestry.com instead of Ancestry.com.
When you're mad, you might as well just punch an orphan because what can they do, tell their parents?