When jokes
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back.
Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?
So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"
Q: What happens when an Asian with an erection walks into a wall?
A: He breaks his nose.
Who comes when an orphan gets married? They are allowed back in family restaurants, but when I go in alone, I'm not allowed. I have some parents, for God's sake!
What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?
"Drop it, Jamal!"
Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To Be Continued."
What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?
Boo Boo Doo.
Ur mom is so fat that when she came to the front door, she was already at the back door.
What do you get when you cross an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
Yo mama so fat, when she was just there, she made the whole earth go back to the ice age!
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown.
I was at school when I remembered I forgot my necklace, then I screamed out, "Shit, I forgot Grandpa!"
What happens when you fail to be an emo? You don't make the cut.
Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"
Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"
God says, "You are what you are."
Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."
My sister’s birthday is on 9/11. When she opened her presents, she jumped up with an explosion.
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.