When jokes
Are you a ghost train? Because I am going to scream when I ride you.
Yo mama so fat that when she sits around the earth, she sits around the earth.
What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.
I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.
what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?
Niagra falls
I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.
What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?
Cocaine.
When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.
When the kid in the wheelchair scares you... you wheelie scared me.
What did the people in 9/11 say when they got the wrong pizza? Man, they got it wrong, I wanted this shitty plane!
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
What's the similarities between dark humor and cancer?
It's funnier when kids get it.
How do you know when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.
Why is the orphan happy when he wakes up from a coma?
Because there is a family reunion.
"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
Your hairline is so bad, when people see the back of your head they say "nice beard!"
I bet emo girls get jealous when people cut paper.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.