When jokes

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"

How do you know when a rapper's been in the kitchen?

The microwave goes, "ding, ding!"

Yo mama so dumb, when the bartender said "beer is on the house" she grabbed a ladder.

What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?

A rhyme scheme that's all about the Benjamins!

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”

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    • Yo mama is so clumsy, when she had her first kickboxing lesson, she kicked herself in the testicles.

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    • Yo mama is so dumb, when she had a brain scan, the result was 404...

    What did the rapper say when he stubbed his toe?

    "Ouch! That's NOT a sick beat!"

    Q. What do you say when your friend has an abortion?

    A. May your baby rest in pieces.

    Yo, Leo, are you an interior decorator? Because when you enter a room, it becomes EMPTY!

    Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.

    Yo mama is so ugly, when she went for plastic surgery, they accidentally gave her face a Brazilian Butt Lift!