Whats jokes
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My father didn’t beat cancer.
What do you call a man in the ground? A dead guy.
What do you call a butt that kills people?
An ASSassin :)
What kind of file turns a 5mm hole into a 3cm hole?
A pedo-file.
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
Yes so smart
What's the most between my uncle and aunt?
My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.
What's white, black, and red all over?
A zebra who walked into a hunting reserve.
What did Cinderella leave at the ball?
Her virginity.
What do you call a person with cancer?
A ghost with a body.
What begins with F and ends with CK?
Fuck, I mean fire truck.
What happens when Steven Hawking dies?
Take his iPad to Cash Converters.
Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
A: To hide up cherry trees.
Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
A: Giraffes eating cherries.
Men and women are not equal, speaking biologically and mentally. I don't care what other feminists say. Men are naturally physically stronger, while women are more mentally stable (sometimes). The internet and the media will lie. You feminists say that you are stronger. Well, you wish. You can't hit a girl because she is more sensitive, but she says she is stronger. Like, what the hell?
We're not sexist men; you're sexist women. And BTW, you'll rot in hell for hating God's creation. And also, men were created before women. Search it up in the Bible or online.
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
What did Michael Jackson find on his bedsheets?
Billie's Jeans... Hee hee!
But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.
After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.
What does the "W" stand for in Africa?
Water.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you ain't already told her twice.