Whats jokes
What did everyone say about the crazy unemployed homeless man?
He made no cents.
What is a gay person’s favorite book?
The dictionary.
What's an orphan's dream job?
A builder, to build themselves a home.
What is yellow and smells like bananas?
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
If you have a pair and it runs around the street, what do you call it? A running pair.
What do you call black people in pool?
Coco Pops.
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
What do you call people with ADHD?
A brainless speeder.
What's Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?
A double Manhattan.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
nothing... they both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.
What's white, sticky, and better to spit out then to swallow?
Toothpaste.
What do you call a mushroom that makes music?
A decomposer.
What's the best name for a prostitute?
SI-MOAN.
What did the make-a-wish kid say when the Avengers turn up without Tony Stark?
"We are in the endgame now!"
But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.
After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."
What do you call a trash bin for 9/11?
Osama Bin Laden.
What does NASA stand for?
Neil Armweak Sorry Armstrong.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire? Hot wheels.