Whats jokes
A Chinese drunk and a Jewish drunk are sitting together on a park bench.
After finishing his drink, the Jew takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Chinese drunk.
"What the hell was that for?" asks the Chinese man, rubbing his head.
"That was for Pearl Harbor!" replies the Jewish drunk.
"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!" he exclaims in return.
"Eh, Chinese, Japanese, Korean... you're all the same to me," the Jewish man explains as he gets up to leave.
The next day, the two drunks are back on the same park bench. The Chinese drunk suddenly takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Jew.
"Why the hell did you do that?" the Jewish man stammers.
"That was for the Titanic!" explains the Chinese drunk.
"The Titanic? What are you talking about? No one attacked it, it sunk when it hit an iceberg!" the Jew replies.
"Eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg... you're all the same to me," the Chinese drunk happily retorts.
A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. "What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
"Not a bunch, a herd," her friend replied.
"Heard of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows."
"No, a cow herd."
"What do I care what a cow heard? I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite food?
His shoulder.
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale.
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come.
What's the difference between a white kid and a computer?
The child has no trouble shooting.
What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten!
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
What kind of file turns a 1.5 cm hole into a 4.5 cm hole?
A pedophile.
What do you get when you cross a redneck and another redneck?
Incest.
I asked my daddy what sex was. He said, "Wanna cum and try it?"
One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.
Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.
Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"
What do you get when you cross Donald Trump with Fregley?
Orange juice.
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
Rape jokes are so incredibly offensive to stupid women like me who don’t understand what comedy is.
What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?
"Deja moo!"
Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture?
A: One uses one nail to hang.
A rich girl is flying on his helicopter when suddenly it crashes, killing everyone. What was the last thing that went through her head?
The helicopter blade!
What do you call a friendly noise? A sound wave.