Whats jokes

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."

Man: What's up?

Me: I'm annoyed.

Man: Why?

Me: I stole my gf's heart.

Man: So why are you annoyed?

Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks.

What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?

Hop in.

What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.

A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”

What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?

McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.

Q. What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?

A. Toothpaste.

"What happened to your arm?" "Oh, uh... I became a gacha emo."

What's brown and rather bad for your dental health?

- A baseball bat.

What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.

A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.

The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"

She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."

The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"

The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"

"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"

The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."

I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite type of comedy? Stand up.

What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He's a d!ck.

What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?

A party popper.

What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.

What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.

What’s the hardest thing about being a rapist? Fitting in.