Whats jokes
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
Same time next month?
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite type of comedy? Stand up.
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?
Hop in.
What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?
McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.
What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He's a d!ck.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.
What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
Q. What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?
A. Toothpaste.
What's a depressed person's least favorite type of cereal?
LIFE.
I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."
What's brown and rather bad for your dental health?
- A baseball bat.
What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?
A party popper.
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"
She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."
The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"
The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"
"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"
The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? You don't get something in return if you give money to a church.
What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a pornstar? One stops sucking when you smack it.
What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.
The teacher asks her class, "What is sex?" and Little Jonny stands up and says, "Sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl's destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?" and the teacher fainted.
What's missing in an orphanage computer?
"The motherboard."
What do you call an ice skating dwarf?
A midget spinner.