Whats jokes
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?
Hop in.
What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He's a d!ck.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite type of comedy? Stand up.
Q: What does LMAO mean?
A: Launching Missiles At Orphanages.
Q. What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?
A. Toothpaste.
What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?
McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.
What's brown and rather bad for your dental health?
- A baseball bat.
What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.
I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."
What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?
A party popper.
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"
She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."
The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"
The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"
"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"
The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."
Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"
Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"
Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"
Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? You don't get something in return if you give money to a church.
What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.
The teacher asks her class, "What is sex?" and Little Jonny stands up and says, "Sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl's destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?" and the teacher fainted.
What's missing in an orphanage computer?
"The motherboard."
What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a pornstar? One stops sucking when you smack it.