Whats jokes

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.

Q: What does LMAO mean?

A: Launching Missiles At Orphanages.

"What happened to your arm?" "Oh, uh... I became a gacha emo."

Q. What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?

A. Toothpaste.

What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.

What's brown and rather bad for your dental health?

- A baseball bat.

What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?

McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.

I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."

A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.

The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"

She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."

The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"

The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"

"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"

The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite type of comedy? Stand up.

What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.

What does your mom and a slinky have in common?

They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.

What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He's a d!ck.

What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? You don't get something in return if you give money to a church.

What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?

A party popper.

What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.

What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.

What's missing in an orphanage computer?

"The motherboard."

The teacher asks her class, "What is sex?" and Little Jonny stands up and says, "Sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl's destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?" and the teacher fainted.

What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.