Whats jokes

A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."

What is the New York fireman's favorite song?

It's raining men.

What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.

Child: *drinking milk*

Farmer: Hey, what are you doing?

Child: Oh, I just milked one of your cows.

Farmer: We don't have any cows, we only have bulls.

Child: *realizes*

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It don't matter what you call it. It ain't coming.

What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.

What type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole?

A pedophile.

What's the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

What game do emo kids love the most? Hangman.

What's a similarity between a cliff hanger and nooses?

They both leave you hanging.

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.

Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?

I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.

Man: What's up?

Me: I'm annoyed.

Man: Why?

Me: I stole my gf's heart.

Man: So why are you annoyed?

Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks.

What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.

Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

Same time next month?

What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”