Whats Jokes

What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?

Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.

Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

What is the best cure for aging?

Suicide.

What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.

What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.

Child: *drinking milk*

Farmer: Hey, what are you doing?

Child: Oh, I just milked one of your cows.

Farmer: We don't have any cows, we only have bulls.

Child: *realizes*

A screenshot of a text message conversation. The first person asks, "Hi how old are you?" The second person replies "14" and asks, "Bout' you?" The first person replies, "You're so young. I'm 32 yrs old. But age is just a number" with an emoji. The second person says, "Yeah... you know what else is a number?" followed by "911".

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It don't matter what you call it. It ain't coming.

A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."

What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.

What's the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

What game do emo kids love the most? Hangman.

What's a similarity between a cliff hanger and nooses?

They both leave you hanging.

I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.