Whats jokes

What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.

A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing.

A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking!

Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."

What did the salad say to pineapple?

"Lettuce be friends."

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?

I give a fuck if my computer crashes.

What do you call pedophiles on a beach? Pedos in Speedos.

What's the difference between cake and pie?

πr2, cakes are round.

What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?

"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."

What animal is best at hitting a baseball? -- A bat.

What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree?

One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

Little Johnny was playing with dick when his teacher walked in the room. She asked him what he was doing, he said Im doing my homework. The teacher saw how big his cock was and asked him to have sex with her. He willingly did so. Little johnny was already 25 so it didn't matter. The only thing was that he was homeschooled.

What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?

My dick!

What’s George Floyd’s favorite color? Neon black.

What do you call a black person with a gun? Black ops.

What do a school shooter and a lightbulb have in common? They both light up the classroom. 🤡💀

What do you call Stephen Hawking in a burning building?

Hot Wheels.

What does Michael Jackson and Jeffery Dahmer have in common?

They both enjoy kids' company.

Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.

Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!

Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?

Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

Me: *stabs vampire*

Wife: omg

Me: *beats vampire to death*

Wife: OMG

Me: What?

Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!

Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?

what's a depressed person's favorite game?

hangman