Whats jokes
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.
On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.
“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
So who did it? the I.S.S. teacher said.
1 hour before:
So let me get...
Random person: Wait, what? You BROKE UP WITH HER!
Me: I SWEAR, JHONNY, THIS IS THE 3RD TIME YOU BUTT INTO MY CONVERSATION! SO... HERE... YOU... GO! *punches*
What do you call a cow eating grass?
A Lawn Moo-er.
What is the highest number?
420.
God is you... If you have a dog
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?
One of them has a POINT:)
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?
Apples get picked.
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a dead pedophile? Nothing.
What do you call a running chicken?
Scared.
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
What's the best way to remove gum from hair?
Cancer.
What's a convict's favorite chore?
Weeding.
Sans: Zzzzzzzz.
Papyrus: SANS, WAKE UP!!
Sans: What is it, dude?
Papyrus: A human has fallen from the surface world!
Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?
You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.
What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?
A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!