Whats jokes
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?
You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit your wife harder.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
What do Logan Paul, KSI, and the Japanese suicide victim have in common?
Tying.
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
What was the last thing going through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
People told Kobe to fly high. Look what happened.
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
What do you call the girl with no arms and no legs?
Names.
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”
Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
Lady: What did you do?
Man: I took a day off...
What is long and black? The line at Popeyes.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"If we don’t get some support people will think we are ball sacks..."
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?
A steamed vegetable.