Whats jokes

What do Civil War veterans and pedophiles have in common?

They both prefer Minnie (mini) balls.

What does Michael Jackson have in common with Kmart?

They're both dead...

What do you call a black man on the moon?

An astronaut, you fucking racist.

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

What’s worse than George Bush doing 9/11? Jeffrey Epstein doing nine Elevens.

what do you call a flat road named after George Floyd?

Flat neck road.

What do you call a group of black people in a shed?

Antique farm equipment.

What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?

It's legal to get stoned.

What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.

A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.

The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"

The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"

The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.

Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.

Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.

She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."

What’s the difference between a school and an ISIS hideout?

I don’t know, I just fly the drone.

So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."

What's an African's favorite sport to play, but they can't? Water polo.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?

This would be much better if you were alive.

A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."

What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? -- A pimp.