Whats Jokes

Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"

Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."

What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?

E.T. eventually went home!

Michael Jackson broke his window. What does he say? "I can't see."

What has eight legs and leaves kids alone? The Jackson 4.

What is Michael Joseph Jackson's favorite town? Boise.

The image shows two pictures side by side. The left picture shows a smiling priest in a black robe holding a book. The right picture is of Woody, a toy character from the movie "Toy Story" with his distinctive cowboy hat. Above the pictures, text reads, "WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A PRIEST AND WOODY?" Below the pictures, the text continues with "WOODY GOES LIMP WHEN A CHILD ENTERS THE ROOM!"

Here's a sex joke.

What's the best part of having sex with 28 year olds? There's 20 of them.

My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...

She couldn't do either!

What do White Castle sliders and Michael Jackson have in common? They have their meat in tiny wet buns.

What are Michael Jackson's pronouns? "He he."

What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?

It's legal to get stoned.

What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.

Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"

Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.

She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."

What’s the difference between a school and an ISIS hideout?

I don’t know, I just fly the drone.

What do you call a cute boy with Down syndrome?

Awwtistic.

Me: Calls 9-1-1.

Operator: 9/11, what’s your emergency?

Me: *hangs up*

So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."