Whats jokes
What's the difference between a six-year-old and a submarine?
I've never been inside a submarine.
What do you call a guy with no body and nose?
No body nose
What is Helen Keller's son's name? Hrrrrrrr.
What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?
"Does this come with anything?"
I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.
Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.
What do you call a group of people who are interested in Nintendo monkeys?
A Kongregation.
A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"
His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."
So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"
She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"
The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"
"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.
The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.
"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."
What do you call a drunk cat? A drunk cat.
It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!
What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?
Kick her.
Q. What's the biggest cause of infant drownings? A. Postpartum depression.
What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!
What's Michael Jackson's favorite things to say to little boys? "I'd really love to see you-hoo-hoo tonight," and "I can't smile without you-hoo-hoo."
What are Michael Jackson's favorite sodas? Yoo-hoo-hoo and Mountain Dew-hoo-hoo. What cola company should people get to keep him at bay? Pep-see-hee.
What do planes and offices have in common?
They both tend to cross paths at the wake of disaster.
What do you call a cow with horns? A horny cow.
What dating app do people in Alabama use? Ancestry.com.
What do the Twin Tower survivors order from Tim Hortons? A plane bagel.