Whats jokes
Shower thought: If everyone had schizophrenia, no one would know we had schizophrenia or know what it is!
What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?
When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.
Q. What's the difference between Trump and a piece of shit? A. Shit isn't orange.
My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.
I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.
What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?
A: "It's me, Luigi!"
What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?
They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.
What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?
A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
What's the difference between milk and my dad?
Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.
What do you call a wizard who can't secure a girl? Fumbledore.
What did the wizard say when he was filling up the gas tank? "Expensive Petroleum!"
Everybody is talking about Trump having leaks in his office.
I don't see what the problem is. He should just use a better fitting diaper next time.
What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.
A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?
Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.
A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?
Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.
What show has something orphans will never have?
American Dad!
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
What’s better than the best thing ever?
Me being mod.
Little Johnny goes to his mum and asks, "Mummy, what's rape?"
Little Johnny's mum answers, "The way you got here."