Whats jokes
I asked this disabled kid what his favorite TV show is. He looked at me blankly and said "My favorite TV show is Vegetales."
This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."
What happens when a frog parks illegally?
It gets toad.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?
Cinco De Mayo.
What do inner city schools and databases have in common?
Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.
What's the most expensive haircut in the world?
Chemotherapy.
What do Jim Kelly and Dick Cheney have in common?
They both make terrible hunters.
What has 5 legs, 3 arms, and 2 feet?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.
What were Brian Cant's last words before he died?
"I used to do it, but now I cant!"
I love going to Hooters and looking at the menu... If you know what I mean;)
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he isn't coming to you.
What's the best thing about fucking 21 year olds?
There's 20 of them.
What's the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What does a cat say when it's angry?
- Stop stressing meowt!
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”
If a person walks off a hundred-foot cliff and halfway down screams, "Why did I do that?" Then a second person walks off the same one-hundred-foot cliff and screams the same verse, "Why did I do that?" Then another person walks off the cliff and screams the same line, "Why did I do that," and the next person does the same thing. What do you call that?
(Stupid People)
Q: What do American beer and canoes have in common?
A: Fu@king close to water!