Well-being jokes

Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.

How do you tell if someone is depressed?

The brains on the wall.

I told a crying kid to wipe his tears and come back smiling.

He never came back the next day, says the local news.

Happiness belonged to you, then gave you depression.

Which way is quicker to die? Noose or slitting my throat?

Who can jump the highest? Depressed asses, some say they’re still in the air.

What is a depressed kid's favorite game?

Hangman.

I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!

What a negative effect!

Things I would’ve missed if my suicide attempt didn’t fail in 2020.

My attempt in 2021.

And my attempt this year.

What can't you say to an emo?

Hang in there, buddy!

My dad may be working, but the coping mechanisms sure aren't!

Why are orphans afraid of your orphanage?

Because I burnt it down!

This isn't really a joke, but I HAVE PTSD, YAY! :)

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? You're not dead.

When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.

What do depression and suicide have in common?

Nothing, they're both hanging.

Yo mama so gay, she almost passed away.

How many emissions does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they just sit in the dark and cry.

My friend's emo. I told her to play jump rope with me. She hanged herself. Lol.

I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.