Well-being jokes
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
Why did the booty go to therapy?
It had some DEEP-SEATED issues.
Don't commit suicide, that would make DJUNGELSKOG sad!
Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...
Sorry to hear you feel like poo!
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
If a depressed kid tries to high five a tree, it leaves them hanging.
It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
How to not exist: Kys.
"kys" (keep yourself safe).
Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?
Me: I have depression, what do you think?!
Another joke, I know they suck.
What is a depressed person's favorite joke? Their life.
If an apple and a depressed kid fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? The apple.
The kid just hangs there.
What's the one thing that makes a depressed person jump? A bridge.
You fighting? More like you're dying!