Weight jokes
Oh, my fat joke offended you? Which one of your chins did I hurt?
My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By bumping into each other to see who falls over first.
Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.
Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.
Yo mama so fat, when I swerved to miss her, I ran out of gas.
Your mom is so fat that she can't get internet because she is worldwide.
Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."
Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"
Alfonso's mom is so fat that she stepped on the scale and the doctor said, "Oh shit, that's my phone number!"
Yo mama so fat, One Punch Man had to punch 3 times.
Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.
Everyone else in the minefield...
Yo mama so fat, when she joined NASA, they put her in orbit and the next day there was a lunar eclipse.
Yo mama is so fat, she has her own personal gravity.
Joe mama is so fat, Dora can't explore her.
Name an ant which is very heavy?
Eleph-ant.
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.
I'd make a joke about an obese person, but it won't work out.
Yo mama so fat she broke the stairway to heaven...
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.