Weight jokes

Yo momma is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."

Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.

I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

Yo mama's so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.

What do fat demons hate? Exorcise.

Yo mama so fat, you must refuel twice to run over her with a car.

You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.

Yo mama is so skinny, she can dodge raindrops.

Yo mama so fat, I stood next to her and lost cell phone reception.

I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.

What's the difference between an American 12-year-old and an African 12-year-old? About 40 pounds.

I'm not fat!!

I'm a Nutritional Overachiever.

Your mom is so fat that if she sits on top of a gas station, she will lower the prices.

Yo mama so fat when she jumped in the water, the whales started singing "We are a family, even though you fatter than me."

Your mama is so fat, when she went camping, the bears hid their food from her.

Your mama is so fat, One Punch Man had to punch twice.

Location is in London by the way.

One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money.

His friend: "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"

Why are fish easy to measure?

Because they bring their own scales.