Weight jokes

Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.

I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.

Yo mama's so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

What do fat demons hate? Exorcise.

You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.

Yo mama is so skinny, she can dodge raindrops.

Yo mama so fat, you must refuel twice to run over her with a car.

Yo mama so fat, I stood next to her and lost cell phone reception.

What's the difference between an American 12-year-old and an African 12-year-old? About 40 pounds.

Your mom is so fat that if she sits on top of a gas station, she will lower the prices.

I'm not fat!!

I'm a Nutritional Overachiever.

Yo mama so fat when she jumped in the water, the whales started singing "We are a family, even though you fatter than me."

Your mama is so fat, when she went camping, the bears hid their food from her.

Your mama is so fat, One Punch Man had to punch twice.

I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.

Why are fish easy to measure?

Because they bring their own scales.

Location is in London by the way.

One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money.

His friend: "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"

My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.

So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.