Weight jokes

Two skeleton brothers are talking.

1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"

2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"

Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.

What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?

The feminist is overweight.

Yo mama so fat that when she sits down, the earth falls out of the Solar System.

Yo mama is so fat Thanos snapped twice.

Relationships are like fat people.

Most of them don’t work out.

Yo mama so fat when she went on a plane, somebody yelled "A solar eclipse!"

Yo mama so fat, I saw her eat with 3 utensils: A spoon, a knife, and a FORKLIFT.

What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets?

Women.

What is big, annoying, and full of blubber?

90% of America's population.

My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.

Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”

Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.

Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.

Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.

What would you rate this woman?

A 7.

Why?

Because 7 ate 9!

I know 5 fat people, and your mama is 4 of them.

You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are K, F, and C.

A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."

Yo mama so fat, when she took a picture of herself, her phone ran out of storage.

Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.

Yo mama is so fat, her car has stretch marks.