Weight Jokes

You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back

When an American goes on a weight the other person will say "I asked for your weight, not your phone number"!

I want your weight not your phone number

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Wife, I look fat can you compliment me. blind husband says you have perfect eyesight

whats the difference between a hippo and a zippo a hippo is really heavy a zippo is a little lighter

Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body and all that's left I'm afraid is the wig, Mrs. Trump.

Why I can’t be skinny? i hurt myself for fatting.-jenny

hello please i want gaain wait-jenny year later

A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around, that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender can squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time Weight Lifters, Lumberjacks, men in the Army, and Etc. But still, nobody could do it. One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet". After the laughter had died down the bartender said "okay" and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the Rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to Total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack a weight lifter or what?". The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS".

I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her a onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hoola hoop

The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with " i need your weight not your phone number"

Q- How much does a skeleton weigh? A- a skeleTON

aunt: on internet buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars neice: i found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch its 3 dollars to watch aunt: im not paying for that shit neice: yet u sit there and buy weight loss pills

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

a fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly a physicist saw it and said thats not how law of conservation of mass works plot twist the fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong now the physicist doesnt have mass