Weight

Weight jokes

Skeleton

Two skeleton brothers are talking.

1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"

2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"

Scale

Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.

Feminist

What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?

The feminist is overweight.

  • 0
  • Mama

    Yo mama so fat that when she sits down, the earth falls out of the Solar System.

  • 7
  • Memes

    Mama

    Yo mama so fat when she went on a plane, somebody yelled "A solar eclipse!"

    Yo mama

    Yo mama so fat, I saw her eat with 3 utensils: A spoon, a knife, and a FORKLIFT.

    Friend

    My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.

    Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”

    Cake

    Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.

    Number

    Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.

    What would you rate this woman?

    A 7.

    Why?

    Because 7 ate 9!

    Fat

    You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are K, F, and C.

    Table

    A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."

    Yo mama

    Yo mama so fat, when she took a picture of herself, her phone ran out of storage.

    Yo mama

    Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.