Weight jokes
What's blue and doesn't weigh much?
Light blue.
Yo mama is so fat, she sat on a quarter and popped a booger out of George Washington's nose.
Yo mama's so fat that when she went sky diving, she caused another global extinction.
Joe mama so fat she went wearing high heels and came back in flip flops.
Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."
Your momma is so skinny, she hula hoops with a Cheerio!
An old lady was low on money because she had spent all of her money on clothes.
So she decided to go to the bank. She walked up to the guy at the desk. She asked if he could check her balance. He asked a few questions to the old lady, like her weight and her height. He asked her if she had done any exercise recently. She was very confused. She got angry and asked the man again to check her balance. So he stood up, walked next to her and pushed her over. He came to the conclusion that she had a low balance.
One day, the fat kid came up to me and asked me, "What's cracking?" The floorboards, you idiot. You're causing a 9.7 Richter scale earthquake and asking ME what's cracking. It would be best if you looked down for a second.
Yo mama so fat, she has her own event horizon.
My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.
Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.
How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.
Yo mama's so dumb, she waited until the stop sign turned blue.
Yo mama's so fat, when she got pregnant, she fell to the earth's core.
Why are people in Japan so thin?
Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.
Yo mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
Joe mama so fat, hello kitty said goodbye.
Yo mama so fat that Will Smith could slap her from a mile away.
Your mom is so fat when you printed the picture, it would not stop printing! 😂🤣
White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?
Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)