Weight Jokes

"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth including an increase in child abuse" said the village priest. The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media. "Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!" "Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey". they reported

The village priest is living at his majesties convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.

"Why is this a joke, its not even funny?" Said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.

What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?

aunt: on internet buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars neice: i found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch its 3 dollars to watch aunt: im not paying for that shit neice: yet u sit there and buy weight loss pills

My "overweight" friend and me were talking at lunch.

Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly dude?

Me: *annoyed*Jason when you stepped on the scale this morning it asked for you're weight not you're phone number.

Yo mama is SO FAT... SO FUCKING FAT... That when she went on the bus, she wasn't allowed in. She asked why, and the driver pointed to the sign "Weight capacity of 50 people". The bus was empty.

She got mad and ate the bus

How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant ain't no telling who" in better shape the elephant or the woman i guess it's probably weight watchers.

Your mama so fat when she steps on the scale the scale said I’m trying to get your weight not your phone number

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!" Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

Which is the best sport at making fat people lose weight?

Canned hunting

Yo mamma so fat when she steps on the scale it says, we want your weight not your phone number

Yo mama so fat the doctor asked for her weight, she told her phone no

your mama so fat that when thanos snapped his finger it only got rid of weight

A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finallly text her boyfriend ̈ Show me your dick now ́

What did Eminem call himself when he lost weight? Slim shady

She's so fat that when she steps on to a wood floor that the floorboard doesn't creak, it screams: "Goddamn!!!" before it snaps from the weight.

why are cheetahs the best animals? The cheetah is the fastest land animal in the world. They can reach a top speed of around 113 km per hour. A cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 113 km in just a few seconds. Cheetahs are extremely fast however they tire quickly and can only keep up their top speed for a few minutes before they are too tired to continue. Cheetahs are smaller than other members of the big cat family, weighing only 45 – 60 kilograms. One way to always recognise a cheetah is by the long, black lines which run from the inside of each eye to the mouth. These are usually called “tear lines” and scientists believe they help protect the cheetah’s eyes from the harsh sun and help them to see long distances. Cheetahs are the only big cat that cannot roar. They can purr though and usually purr most loudly when they are grooming or sitting near other cheetahs. While lions and leopards usually do their hunting at night, cheetahs hunt for food during the day. A cheetah has amazing eyesight during the day and can spot prey from 5 km away. Cheetahs cannot climb trees and have poor night vision. With their light body weight and blunt claws, cheetahs are not well designed to protect themselves or their prey. When a larger or more aggressive animal approaches a cheetah in the wild, it will give up its catch to avoid a fight. Cheetahs only need to drink once every three to four days.

Cradles-By Sub Urban and watersharky Music Productions- I live inside my own world of make-believe Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities I see the world through eyes covered in ink and bleach Cross out the ones who heard my cries and watched me weep I love everything Fire's spreading all around my room My world's so bright It's hard to breathe but that's alright Hush Shh Tape my eyes open to force reality (oh no, no) Why can't you just let me eat my weight in glee? I live inside my own world of make-believe Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities Some days I feel skinnier than all the other days And some days I can't tell if my body belongs to me I love everything Fire's spreading all around my room My world's so bright It's hard to breathe but that's alright Hush Shh I wanna taste your content Hold your breath and feel the tension Devils hide behind redemption Honesty is a one-way gate to hell I wanna taste consumption Breathe faster to waste oxygen Hear the children sing aloud It's music 'til the wick burns out Hush Just wanna be care free lately, yeah Just kicking up daisies Got one too many quarters in my pockets Count 'em like the four-leaf clovers in my locket Untied laces, yeah Just tripping on daydreams Got dirty little lullabies playing on repeat Might as well just rot around the nursery and count sheep

Yo mama so fat her weight is angry grandpa's subscriber count

I got barred from weight watchers today it wasn't my fault it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room all i did was say that it was the funniest game of hungry hungry hippo's that I have ever seen