Way jokes

When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."

A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."

Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell, not heaven? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.

Two businessmen bought the Milwaukee Bucks for $500 million. They are very excited about their transaction, for this is the only legal way to own black people.

Where did Milky Way get its degree?

At the university.

Wanna know how I got away from Iraq? Iran.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

Were you born on the highway? That's where most accidents happen.

What is Michael Jackson's favorite candy bar?

Milk-hee-hee Way.

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"

Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"

What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?

Suicide.

Leo: Mother, what is an idiot?

Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn't understand.

Mother: Do you understand?

Leo: No.

Q: What kind of person has 100% ambition and never gives up if someone gets in their way?

A: A rapist.

The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them, "Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"

As a hobby, I started taking walks around the old clock tower.

It's a great way to pass the time.

How to treat someone who’s lesbian, gay, queer, transgender or bisexual?

The same way that you would treat anybody else, you homophobic bastard.

A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"

His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."

The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"

"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."

The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."

The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."

"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."

All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.

Your hairline goes so far back that cars on a highway don't know which way to turn.

Where do cows stop to drink?

The Milky Way!

How do you lift a depressed person up?

No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.