Way jokes

What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?

Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.

How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?

Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.

Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.

The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.

The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"

Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.

A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.

"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.

"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.

"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."

Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:

"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"

"If you want to win swiftly, camp the enemies' spawn."

- Sun Tzu

*Titanic was sinking.*

Passenger: Hey, captain, how far away are we?

Captain: Two miles.

Passenger: Which way are we going?

Captain: Down.

Yo mama is so fat your dad could never get away.

What's the best way to prank your blind girlfriend?

Fill her closet with see-through clothes.

What is the fastest way to spread a rumor?

Telephone? No.

Television? No.

How then? Tell a woman!

Never compare an orphan to an Apple because the Apple always gets picked.

What's the easiest way to get straight A's? Use a ruler.

I should name my dog Ariana Grande.

That way I could say that I fucked Ariana Grande.

Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself.

It's a really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.

Imagine orphans watching Spiderman: No Way Home.

When you know you have a gay friend, but you find out that they like you!

What is the difference between a frog and a trombone player?

The frog might be on his way to a gig!

Learn math the easiest way from Pendu.

Multiplying any number by 0 is 0 itself.

Hint: Multiplying any number by Pendu's G/A in 2022 is 0 itself.

The answer is 0.

"No Way Home" is just the life of an orphan.

There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!

What is the best way to end a cookbook?

And that’s a wrap!

What do you call a devil texting you? Travelers on the way. 😈🤣