Water jokes

I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!

What did the retard say when the water too deep?

"Deep deep."

What makes sad people jump? A bridge.

What do you call James Bond when he’s taking a bath?

Bubble 07.

Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

Dam.

What is the coolest bath bomb for emos?

A toaster.

I went fishing while watching porn, and my girlfriend said, "Well, you want my fish?" and I said, "But you're not in the water."

Astronauts just found water on Mars! Mars: 1. Africa: 0.

You get hit by a wave, but you don't get wet. Why?

You were hit by a shockwave!

Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be water melon.

Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?

For the same reason a ship won't stay afloat with holes in the bottom.

What do you call a fish without eyes?

A fsh.

Last night I had a dream about fishing poles, turns out it wasn't reel!

Yo mama so fat when I pushed her into the jacuzzi, it caused a level 8 tsunami.

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

What did the fish say to the beach?

"Long tide, no see!"

Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in the pond because the sign said, "No Swimming!"