War Jokes

Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."

The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.

The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.

The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.

What do you call a country with nukes?

Abomination.

Say what you want about Hitler, but in the end, he did kill Hitler.

What do you call a retreat in war?

A backup plan.

Two Trojan warriors were patrolling the streets of Troy at night. It was finally time for their duties to be relieved. When they went back to their houses, one Trojan fell in a puddle. "Nitrogen!" The other called. And the other responded coldly, “Good night.”

A Japanese, Hispanic, and Iraqi man are in a plane. The Japanese man drops a bowl off of it and shouts "I love my country!" Then the Hispanic man drops a burrito off the side and shouts, "I love my country!" Finally, the Iraqi man drops a bomb and shouts, "I love my country!"

Not much longer on, a man walks by a boy who is sitting by a crater laughing non-stop. And the man asks, "What's so funny?" And the boy says "When I farted, my house blew up!"

I hate when I lose my white friends in the snow and my black friends in the dark. Where do I lose my friends from Afghanistan?

In an explosion.

After watching Star Wars 8, I have to say Snoke was half the man I expected him to be.

Why didn't the newest Star Wars movie start with the classic scrawl?

Because it was a Rogue One!

Suicide bombers, carry bombs and remember to breathe.

Where did Janet go during the bombing? Everywhere.

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere.

My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.

What's Bin Laden's favorite flavor of crisp? Plain.

"Ching chong, drop the bomb!"

Bin Laden was the hide and seek champion for 10 years, 2001-2011.

If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?

That number is how many dicks you suck.

Whoever killed Adolf Hitler is MY hero!

What do you call a paralyzed turtle?

Shell shocked.

What's the difference between an air blower and Little Boy?

When the air blower blew, it did not wipe out Hiroshima.