War jokes
The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."
Steel led to World War 2.
Why did Adolf Hitler like nuts? He only had one.
Where did Johnny go after he wandered into a minefield?
Everywhere.
Nobody:
The Vietcong when America lands on their beaches:
tReE pOwErS aCtIvAtE!
Iran? More like tin can, cause we’re going to kick their teeth in, am I right?
I have WWII in my blood since my great-grandfather killed Hitler.
If Italy attacked France from the rear, would Greece help?
So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!
My grandad killed Hitler. He was such a great man!
What's a cow's favorite war?
World War Moo.
I was going from Germany to Austria, and I accidentally crossed the border illegally. When the police caught me, they told me I was a Nazi. I asked them, "Why?" They said I didn't see the border.
Where did Johnny go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
What do you get when you eat a hamburger?
Mustard gas.
Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?
A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.
Hitler walked so Kim can run.
How does an American know that his time has come?
He starts hearing Vietnamese.
Going in a military.
The last thing I heard from them is: "Goodbye!"
I met this kid and he was being bullied by 9 people. I Asked 1 whats going on. They all said another one to bully they all tried hitting me and then my mates which was like 15 of them came in and it was like war all over again.
Free blacks in the Civil War is the same as me drawing a reverse card in Uno.