Want jokes

Want to know the difference between an orphan and a flower??

Flowers get picked.

For being a big company, NASA is openly saying they want pictures of Uranus.

Why did John rape his mother? Because he wanted a brother to play Mario Kart with.

Vape company: Hey, want some lung cancer and a nicotine addiction?

Teens: NO WAY!

Vape company: But it’s mango flavored!

Teens: O OK. 😤

What's the difference between an orphanage and a supermarket?

People actually want stuff in a supermarket.

What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?

Anything you want—he can’t hear you.

Kid: Hi.

Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?

Kid: Why are you rude?

Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.

Republicans really want weed not to be legal, fucking cunts!

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a Martinus.

The bartender asks, "Don't you mean Martini?"

Julius Caesar says, "No, I only want one."

I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.

This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.

(Do you get the joke?)

(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)

My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.

I wanted to buy some camo pants, but I couldn't find any.

Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?

He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.

Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:

"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."

A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.

On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."

On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.

Mom says: "I will go kill myself."

Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*

Some time later me fighting with my mom:

Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"

Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"

Lesson?

So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?

A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender says, "Don't you mean a Martini?" The Roman then says, "Look, if I want a double, I'll ask for one."

I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.

That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?