Want jokes
A girl comes up to her dad and says, "Can I borrow the car tonight? I want to go to this party." Dad says, "If you give a head job..." The girl says, "You're my dad! How can you say that?" Dad says, "If you want the car..." The girl thinks, "Okay." She starts. Dad says, "That tastes like sh*t." Dad: "Yeah, your brother wanted the car this morning."
"Why don't you want to taco 'bout it?"
"Cause I'm nacho friend anymore."
What do we want? Plane noises!
When do we need it? Neeooooooowwwww!
Why did the M&M go to school?
It wanted to be a Smartie.
Them: You want some Lucky Harms?
Me: What are Lucky Harms?
Them: They're Lucky Charms, but instead of being magically delicious, they're magically malicious.
Want to hear my pencil joke? Wait, I'm still writing it.
When the Mexican wanted to go shopping,
he went to Ja-mall.
Being bullied by an artist? Want them to leave you alone?
www.VincentVanGoghAway.com
You want some dead batteries? They're free of charge.
Want to hear a joke? It's called life.
Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.
Guy: Robin
Bank owner: Your last name?
Guy: Debank
Bank owner: Robin Debank?
Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."
Why did the person peel his skin off? Because he wanted to.
Do you want to buy my Hoover?
I mean... it's just collecting dust.
I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street.
Kaden wants to have sex with you.