Want jokes
Why did Brandon harass Sydney because she didn't want to eat his foreskin?
You want a pizza from me!!!!
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?
Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to talk to me.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his son wanted to charge their phone, so they unplugged him.
Roses are red, violets are blue, your penis smells like stew, and I want to eat it too.
Why did the chef cook his eggs on the golf course? Because he wanted them par-boiled!
Why did the black guy cross the road? Because he wanted to.
My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.
How to decorate a wall:
Strip off the paper and original plaster.
Put on fresh plaster and wallpaper.
Paint it (if you want).
Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply.
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?
Because he didn't want to see the bill.
Q: Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
A: It did not want to get stuck in a crack.
Q: The person who makes it doesn't say what it is.
The person who receives it doesn't know what it is.
The person who knows what it is doesn't want it.
What am I?
A: A baby.
My teacher gave us an assignment, and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I answered, "Happy."
The teacher said I didn't understand the test. I said to her that she didn't understand life.
You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!
Where did Stephen Hawking go when he wanted to get drunk? The Genius Bar.
Three Europeans come to America. They are all captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a BANANA!!"
Want to hear a joke about pizza?
Never mind, it's too cheesy.