Want jokes
Hi, how are you? Busy doing today? Did I have to text more today after dinner? I did text, and you have been to the vet and walk walk home from home and walk walk home đ . Night is so nice đ. I did not walk away, but you donât want me to text me to let you know when I get home, can you walk?
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
Whatâs red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? Theyâre painful to look at.
Why canât orphans play baseball? They donât know where home is.
Give a man a match, and heâll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
He said he didn't want to be my brother anymore.
He's now my sister.
After I am dead during my funeral service, I want someone to play my favorite song by Boy George and Culture Club, "Church of the Poison Mind."
My brother wanted to sharpen my pencil. I told him he had a point.
I smell ice a mile. Titanic, I want to iceberg.
So I told my sister, "Want [to] hear some jokes?" and she was like, "Hit me with [your] best shot, fire away," and I was like, "Okay, I know [you're] singing an old song, yeah I was trying to see if [you] sing too," and I said, "Who do [you] think I am, Chris Brown?"
Why did the duck say hi to the other butt?
Because he wanted it to smell good.
Why are they called sâmores?
Because you always want another one!
My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.
I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.
This is a Cuphead joke.
Why did the clown drive over the cup? Cuz he wanted to CRACK him up!
So, I was sitting with my little brother and talking about our dreams. "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" I asked him. He answered, "A doctor!" I wanted to tease him so I said, "I wouldn't be treated by a doctor like you." I was hoping he would get mad or something, but instead, he calmly replied, "Brother, I said doctor. Not a vet."
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.
Friend 1: I don't want to jump.
Friend 2: Me neither.
Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.
Friend 1: *jumps*
Friend 2: *jumps*
Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!
Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.
Do you want to hear a joke?
Never mind, itâs too punny.
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
Why did the dog want a kiss? Because he can see his knees.
A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,
Librarian: What are you looking for?
Man: I am looking for a book!
Librarian: Which book?
Man: Facebook.
Bessie Coleman - I don't want to be a flier cause I am African American.
Why did the orphan want to become a prostitute?
To get a daddy.