Violence

Violence jokes

A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."

What takes knowledge to do and also takes knowledge away?

Looking down the barrel and pulling the trigger. 😂

When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.

I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."

A normal kid brings an MP3 to school.

A rich kid brings an MP4 to school.

A quiet kid brings an MP5.

Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"

The terrorists both say, "A beer."

The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"

One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"

"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"

I don't want to die alone... That is why I am working my way up to become a suicide bomber!

You can slap, punch, knock out an orphan, what will they do? They don't have parents!

If you’re bored, punch an orphan.

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?