Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"
The terrorists both say, "A beer."
The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"
One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"
"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"
I don't want to die alone... That is why I am working my way up to become a suicide bomber!
Where did Suzy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
You can slap, punch, knock out an orphan, what will they do? They don't have parents!
What did the orphan do when he got punched?
Nothing, because his parents weren't there! :)
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
If you’re bored, punch an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Would love to pound Sterling with a 14 lb hammer.
We sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave Eric and Dylan a shortcut.
My gf told me she was pregnant, so I punched her in the stomach.
She asked me why the hell I did that. I told her I wanted to let her know I’m pro abortion.
My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach.
She asked me "Why the hell did you do that?!?!?" "I wanted to let you know I'm pro abortion."
What's the best part about a dead hooker? The second hour is free!
I asked an American if their national anthem was "Pumped Up Kicks."
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.
"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit." "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife." "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk...!!!!"
I love punching orphans. What are they gonna do? Tell their mum?
I found a rock at the park. I threw it at some orphans.
What would they do? Go to their family?
I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.
What's black on top and white on the bottom?
rape.
It is not funny about kidnapping.
