Violence jokes
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and called it "Hot Wheels."
What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?
His arse.
How do you stop a terrorist from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?
It depends on how thin you slice them.
Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.
Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"
Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".
"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"
Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."
Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."
What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?
Stopping it with a pitchfork.
What do you call a person with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you told them twice.
I wish I was at a Western bar; then I would get shot.
Why didn’t the orphan play baseball?
Because I took the bat and swung it at their kneecaps, and now they can’t run. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Why does Aaron like men? Because his dad beats him.
what do you call a rape victim in Ukraine?
Debris.
If you see a woman get raped, just walk away. Don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all.
What do you do when you're bored?
I beat up orphans.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?
They cry...
They scream... with joy.
"Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."
Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...
Why did McDonald’s kill somebody because they stole the 12-piece nuggets that will never be seen because of them!
What's red and white and goes 250 miles per hour?
A baby in a blender ;)
My Crandall just be smashing more than you ON DA GIRLS, and he was slapping your girl last night harder than WILL at the OSCARS! ;)
George, when I saw your face, I had to shoot you with a Nerf gun. If you died, wimp.
What did the teacher say when he raped his naughty student?
"Face the wall!"
Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?
American: Self defense.
Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?