What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
How do you blow up an Indian person?
You press the red button.
What's better than throwing dead babes?
Catching them after with a pitchfork.
A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"
One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."
How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said “THATS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE” the man replied with “no, it’s not domestic violence it’s DUMBASS-D*CK VIOLENCE”
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
when you kill people in a war its perfectly fine but when its a school everyone has a problem with it wth.
What's black, white, and red all over?
A nun that fell down the stairs.
What's black, white, and laughing?
The nun that pushed her.
*Loud explosion inside the tank*
"Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."
What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?
My stepdad beat my ass before he left.
I'll never forget my brother's last words: "Why is there a revolver in your hand?"
I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
