My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
I say 1 2 3 all the kids bullied me but now they're not so cool cuz I shot up the school
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.
Don't you just want to go on a mass murder while listening to goodbye Moonman? Oh, just me... OK.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at 3 hoes.
How do you start a rave?
Throw a flashbang into the epileptic ward of a hospital.
A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read, "Hey, I'm sorry I had to tell you like this but I have been doing your wife for months now." The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying, "Sorry, meant using your wifi."
If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.
What's a school shooter's favorite anime?
Assassination Classroom.
How do you get a clown to stop smiling?
You shoot him in the face.
Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.
Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"
The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."
So I am an emo dude so I sit in the back of the class and I talk to no one.But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me so I just ignored him.Then he got really pissed off and said “I’m gonna kill you”.I was like “Your gonna kill me just because I ignored you, is your ego that big, wow.”He left then the next day he brought his goons with him and said “now your dead” I ignored him again and he said “you will pay for this.”So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house then him and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died so I kept on walking.I had some rope traps set.This was the best day of my life.
This is why you never mess with emo’s.We have ropes everywhere.
Two boys are talking on the bus.
Boy 1: I feel like I'm forgetting something.
Boy 2: Hey, did you hear about that school shooting last week?
Boy 1: Oh, that's right.
How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.
Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.
What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom, and you think you're in the clear, but the Down syndrome kid says, "Goodbye."
