Violence jokes

Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.

The jury: O.o

[being buried alive]

Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?

What are a doctor's and a WWE fighter's ideas on child abuse?

Doctor's: Don't do it, it does not help. Mood behavior.

WWE fighters: If it can crawl, it can brawl.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.

Now we call him hot wheels.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

What do birds and children have in common?

If you shoot them, they die.

I kicked a ball at the kid in the wheelchair, and now we're playing Rocket League.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

Why did Joe get hit by a bus? Sally was driving it.

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.

John Kreese's forehead broke when silver hit 'em in the forehead.

Where did little billy go when he was stuck in a minefield... everywhere.

That joke was pretty dark, but it got pretty light for a second.

After the school shooting, Joe pretended to be a victim while his sister ate the flesh of the fallen.

God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.

The parentless child stood as her orphanage was blown up by a kamikaze I had rented.

I'm going to burn Braden Mitchell Kniffen's house down.

Violence is never the answer:

It's the solution.

Chuck Norris once killed 50 people with a grenade. Then he threw the grenade.

Mom, what happens if you swear at a church?

Well, honey, a tee posing nun with glowing red eyes and nunchucks will beat you.

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.