Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.
my dad hits me :(
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice.
One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon.
In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."
What's the best thing about abuse jokes? The punchline.
Go commit neck rope.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?
You can’t abuse an alligator.
Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.
What's the difference between a dog and a rapist? At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.
One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.
Where are the others?
They're in his freezer.
How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.
He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.
My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."
What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
