Violence jokes
What's red and screams when you shake it?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you throw them.
Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?
Because he told the man to put his hands up.
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.
How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"
What's red and white and lives in a blender?
A baby.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
What is red, white, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten!
How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?
It depends how many bullets you have.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.
An Aussie, an Asian, and a Frenchman are in a bar.
The Asian throws his whiskey in the air and shoots it. The Frenchman asks, "Why did you do that?" The Asian says, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
The Frenchman throws his champagne in the air and shoots it. Then the Aussie asks, "Why did you do that?" The Frenchman replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
The Aussie then throws his beer up in the air and shoots the Asian. Then the Frenchman asked, "Why did you do that?" The Aussie then replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.
The ice cream man tried to murder me today.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.
What sort of file turns a one inch hole into a two inch hole?
A pedophile.
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...