Violence jokes
Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
How many babies does it take to paint a barn?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Cops go to the hood when the shooting range is closed.
Cut.
What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?
Baby in a blender.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck 'em.
What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?
"This isn't ketchup."
What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.
What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?
"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."
True Story of Little Red Riding Hood.
The big bad wolf told Red Riding Hood to strip. He looked at her pussy and said, "Now I will fuck you!"
Red pulled out a shotgun from under her coat and said, "Oh no you're not. You're not, you're going to eat me just like it says in the book!"
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
Q: What’s the hardest thing about fucking a dude with a dildo?
A: Making sure he doesn’t wake up.
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???
If you ever get mad, just punch an orphan. What are they supposed to do? Tell their parents?
What is 1 + 1?
They didn’t tell me. Their stomach is upset.
So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.
What’s the difference between football and rape?
Women don’t like football.
What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?
Kentucky Fried Children!
What's it called when you eat those same babies?
Finger Lickin' Good!
When is it acceptable to hit a dwarf?
When he dances with your wife and says her hair smells nice...