I would kill for something to eat--the cannibal.
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom, and you think you're in the clear, but the Down syndrome kid says, "Goodbye."
Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.
The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.
The guys show up and the guards shoot them.
The guys die because the guards used real guns.
Guess how I'm getting laid tonight?
"I'm stronger than you."
I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.
I remember my grandma's last words:
"What are you doing with that axe?"
What do you call a butt that kills people?
An ASSassin :)
What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
Two men are next to each other. One looks at the other and asks, "Are you a fascist?"
The other man responds, "No, why would I be?"
The first man pulls out a gun and says, "Are you sure?"
The second man says, "Never mind, I am a fascist!"
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."
My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.
When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
That one person who can never bring a smile to your face...
Until you push them down 3 flights of stairs.
What’s red and cries?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
One of the students reported a school shooting.
That fucking snitch...
How do you blow up an Indian person?
You press the red button.
